Tag: Life

  • I Almost Deleted This Blog!

    I Almost Deleted This Blog!

    WTF. So, how’s it going?


    I mean, really?

    And can you believe that I almost did something fairly permanent??

    Ok. Deep breath. 
    I was about to this website altogether!! Before nearly doing so, I decided to make it private and not visible to the world before I made my final decision.
    2020 has been quite the rollercoaster, right? I’m now 46, although pandemic birthdays aren’t quite like normal but hey, at least I’m alive to have another one.
    So clearly, since you’re reading this, it means that I did NOT delete this blog. In these times of very real uncertainty, I wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to keep up this alter ego. Or if I actually wanted to, honestly.
    I’m not a quitter, though. It’s true, sometimes it takes me a very long time to finish my projects. I usually have at least 10 things going on at once.
    I’ve had a lot more time to spend at home, sheltering in place, on a lot of things, including overthinking. I’ve been doing my best to chill out and prioritize things. 
    Now that I have decided to not delete this blog and alter ego, I’d like to hone in more on writing here and sharing pictures, of course. The refocus will be on sharing what I feel is my most glamorous and best version of myself. COVID-19 and all.
    It’s been hard, though. Daily reality continually creeps in and bursts my bubble, imagine that.
    Hopefully you’re feeling healthy and safe. With all of the ridiculousness in the world, I’m doing my best to not get overwhelmed by the latest crap in the news.
    My reality this fall will be homeschooling though, and what’s a modern gal to do? I never ever imagined that I’d be June Cleaver so we’ll see.
    I’m also not tone deaf to the ills going on around the world. I do my best use my “white-appearing Latina” privilege and resources whenever I can, to speak up for the marginalized. What’s happening right now in Portland and now in Chicago is horrifying, I never thought I’d see the day where we’d live in a police state.
    That said, we must be diligent citizens. Wear your damn mask!
    So I’ve been working on a couple of YouTube channels and here are the recent videos:
    I’m also on TikTok, and that’s been a little odd because I got 100 followers there in like 2 days. They’re also heavy on censorship so we’ll see how long I last and what I end up posting.


  • A Retrospective

    A Retrospective
    So I stumbled upon a lot of pics that I’d nearly forgotten about. This getting older shit is intense! I feel like an entirely different person now.

    In no particular order but most of these were taken 2000-2004.

    These two pics in this latex nurse costume were taken from the very first photo shoot that I ever remember posing for.

    Hooray for an 8 megapixel camera, LOL, circa 2000.

    Now onward to the other pics that I found last night. Keep in mind that these are non-professional low-res. I found two discs with tons of pics that I have yet to go through.

    My birthday’s in a week and I’m not sure how to feel about it, as I mentioned in my IG. Have a great weekend!

  • Evolution

    It’s been nearly six months since I’ve updated this blog. Stating the obvious here, but even I was surprised that so much time had passed.

    I’ve had everything and yet nothing to say at the same time. How much to reveal, how much to keep to myself?

    I wish I could look like this all the time. Animal prints and fishnets have always been neutrals for me and I’ve been having fun mixing things up.

    So last month found me not wanting to idly sit behind screens, save maybe for some Instagram and Pinterest time.
    Visual images and audiobooks have had more appeal to me than sitting on Facebook, for example. Unfortunately, Facebook is where many people I know exclusively post updates, and it’s a bummer.
    I’m in the midst of a lot of changes in my life, both personal and hopefully professional. 
    What’s mindblowing to me is that I’ve made it to almost 45. Well, in a couple of weeks.
    I truly didn’t think that I’d live this long, so I consider every moment a gift. I’m lucky because so many friends didn’t make it. I’m also wondering why the hell I’ve put up with certain things for far too long.

    Maybe I wasn’t ready to reclaim my personal space and power, but let me tell you, some people are holding on in such a way that they are making it a LOT harder than it needs to be.
    I hate having to justify my actions (and sometimes my existence) to anyone.
    This was something that I saw that was too good not to share.

    I’ve been reaching for better feelings because I’ve been in a rut for a very long time.

    I’ve also started working out again since I hurt my back with an ill-timed fall down the stairs. There were only four of them and I caught myself, but it felt like whiplash as soon as I caught myself.

    Since I have such an odd schedule and gyms can be cost prohibitive, I’ve been doing at home workouts. Strengthing my core and being more flexible is key. Even though the music can be annoying at times, I highly recommend Blogilates with Cassey Ho.

    I’ve been doing Pilates for 22 years. It started when I was making crazy money in L.A. and has changed my life for the better. Cassey’s instruction is great for being free on the internet and I’m using one of her workout calendars until I get stronger.

    I’ve also been listening to a bunch of audiobooks, simultaneously. It’s rough but it’s how I roll. And I also listen to them at 1.5x the speed.

    Here’s what I’ve been listening to:

    I hope that all is well in your world, and here are some pics in a bigger size than what you might on Instagram. Blurry as hell maybe, even with an iPhone 8. Maybe I can’t keep my hand steady?

    Here’s one that isn’t on my Instagram. Yay for cat hair and then my wild, long hair.

    I’m waiting for the mail person because I have two pairs of glasses with my new prescription to arrive. Can’t wait to see how they look. I usually get it right with ordering things online.

    Have a great week, a nice everything.

  • New? Start Here

    New? Start Here

    Hi. and welcome!

    I’m incredibly excited as I’m putting this new blog, vlog, and brand together.

    Truthfully I’m not quite sure where to start, because I feel like I’ve been writing this blog my entire life—in my journals and occasionally on my other blogs, from the days of LiveJournal to the ones that are dedicated to my favorite niches.

    I write every day but it never gets out there—most of my thoughts and mini revelations have been kept to myself over the years.

    However, I feel like now is the time to finally take the leap and start sharing what I have. It would be selfish and a shame to keep it all to myself, right? Maybe you (yes you, I’m talking to you) need it too. Or maybe you don’t.

    What if you know somebody else who does, whom you can share this with? Either way, I’m learning to put myself out there and share more freely and abundantly. Throughout the years I’ve battled enormous insecurity and low self-esteem and navigated the waves of the resulting depression and anxiety. The tide is in right now and I feel as if I have a decent handle of things.

    When I look in the mirror, I can still see traces of the 10-year-old me below. Forever a nerd, but I think that reinvention is key, as long as you don’t hurt anyone. The pic below was taken near my school, Melrose Avenue Elementary, and I was born into fashion and the entertainment industries, with both of my parents being early precursors to the modern stylists of today.

    Sharing is spreading valuable and empowering info that otherwise would be kept locked in a tomb. Did the Egyptians really take it all with them anyway?

    At this point with my advancing age and all, I’m over being reserved about my thoughts and opinions. I’m going to share what I believe is meaningful in hopes that it reaches somebody out there and makes a real difference. Hell yeah, why not? And that is why I’m so freakin’ excited.

    Remember, if it isn’t exquisite, get rid of it!

    This goes for relationships as well as items that adorn you and your personal space.

    The world belongs to those of us who work to become our best selves, crafting our lives, just the way we’ve always imagined. We’re in this together. So let’s kick some serious ass.

    What Is Rachael Tyrell?

    Rachael Tyrell is a special space on the Internet for the dreamers who believe, electric sheep be damned.  

    Rachael Tyrell is dedicated to the exploration of all of my personal niches. Some of them are unique on their own but I think I do a good job of integrating many different niches.

    Everybody is an artist in their own right—we can all create and live the life that we have imagined and dreamed of. We have the power to create our own world to our liking, and it starts with ourselves.

    And we should love/like ourselves and our lives fully—if there’s ever something that we don’t love, we have the power to change it and steer our lives in the direction we choose.

    The more creative we become, the more we open our eyes to the endless possibilities in which we can shape our lives. It takes practice and repetition to train our brains to think in new ways, but it’s worth it. Once you take 100% responsibility and control over your life, you will never feel stuck and you can make anything happen.

    For me personally, this means a life of purpose, love, and goodness, sprinkled with tons of creativity, music, art, beauty, knowledge, wisdom, and culture.

    To you, it may mean something else. We each have our own innate sense what our ideal life and world consists of. Our duties are to live those ideal lives and create ideal worlds around us in order to collectively contribute to a better, more beautiful world as a whole.

    In this way, we leave our own legacy and footprint in society and hopefully contribute to shaping its future. This is a sense of purpose that I’m excited about.
    Through Rachael Tyrell, I will be sharing everything I learn in becoming a better artist throughout life, covering topics in lifestyle, personal growth, music, creativity, culture, and whatever else moves me.

    I’m one of the people that refuses to stop learning, and as I continue to learn: to read, take classes, meet new people, and find inspiration, I find myself in awe and in love with life again. It’s been a while.

    It’s fun to discover what my readers read, learn, and are inspired by as well. Here’s a toast to you, let’s take a few to toast all of you, the ones who are driven by such fire, curiosity, and zest for life—the ones who maybe get me. I see you, too.

    Cheers to your ideas, unique knowledge and skillsets. Here’s to your tenacity in never settling for less!

  • Happy 2019!!

    Happy 2019!!

    Follow my blog with Bloglovin‘ 

    Happy New Year 2019! 

    Thank you so much for joining me on this journey. I wish you love and happiness and prosperity! 

    So the below pic is a reminder to me of how much I love fencing and how I need to get back to 1x per week, if not twice!

    This is the me from yesterday when I was trying on all the new glasses I got during the Sunglass Spot 50% off sale.

    I’d practiced doing some literal avant garde makeup the other night when I went on a date to Quarterworld. Humble brag, sorry not sorry, it was easy for me to get the top score on Galaga but I was actually tired and got a little sloppy.
    Plus I wanted to play most of the pinball and also go to The Space Room and play a game of pool somewhere.

    I’ve been thinking of everything that I want to do now that I’m getting a better handle on some momentary diversions. Between some anxiety and depression, it was very hard to manage my challenging attention span (or lack thereof). Perhaps it was vice versa.

    I had felt unproductive. That’s an understatement!

    Not feeling up to par affected every single thing that was going on, from all of my side hustles to personal relationships really sucks. I try and do my best but even I was annoying myself.

    This made me laugh a lot, even though I’m doing a better job distancing myself on Facebook lately. I know better than to do a third party auth but the results that my friend got were so spot on, just this once.

    So I got a kickass new haircut that I love tremendously. My new stylist is also helping me to work on a hair plan and it requires me to make a hardcore resolution: not to cut my OWN bangs in between appointments. 

    So far so good but who am I kidding? I have multiple pairs of haircutting scissors and need to hide them from myself.

    And don’t you just adore my new to me phone case by Valfre? I wanted this kitty cat phone case but wasn’t prepared to shell out $38 just yet. I’ve got one of the first iPhone 6 phones and I’m surprised the battery hasn’t crapped out on me yet!

    One of my other blogs has been getting more traffic again, just when I’d nearly given up on it. Not give up, per se, I had just felt resentful that I wasn’t scoring as many awesome items for resale. 

    I’ve got some sponsorship opportunities and want to best position them with my newfound title of ‘microinfluencer.’

    That said, I’m glad to see that the pendulum is swinging in terms of people going to other people’s websites. No more platform exclusivity where your content isn’t your own. I guess I’m kind of doing that with Blogspot but I’ve gotten so frustrated with the several times a day WordPress updates that have been breaking things in a big way. Not just on my stuff but on clients’ websites.

  • Wishlist


    Here’s the link to my Amazon wishlist.

    I’ve been so grateful for the goodies that friends, acquaintances, and fans have sent my way! It’s not cheap to be a sex symbol or something?

    Some of the items I’ve received (especially the clothing) due to your generosity feature heavily in many pics. You can see some of my outfits in the sexy pics link in the navigation menu above.

    I’ve been a cosplayer since the ’90s believe it or not and will be adding some things for cosplaying, too. If anyone would have told me that I’d be paid to be sexy nowadays, I wouldn’t have believed them!

    If you’re old school like me and want to send gifts my way via snail mail, here’s my address:

    Rachael T.
    3848 SE Division St. #110
    Portland, OR 97202

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I super appreciate it and use my gifts wisely and creatively. Consider them investments that you can see me wear as well.

  • Hiding in Plain Sight

    Hiding in Plain Sight

    Or should that be site?

    This post has been a long time in the making.

    When people I know very well ask me how I’m doing, I go with the expected “fine” or “good, how are you?” so that I don’t have to explain anything.

    It’s even harder to fake it when people ask me what I’m doing as a developer or designer. If the people that I’ve worked with and the people that I attended the coding boot camp with could see me now. Some of them know but it’s quite a small group indeed.

    Sure I’m always working on web development, design, PHP, some Javascript + my WordPress skillset (been going on 10+ years at this point). However, Portland, OR isn’t exactly known as being a good place for women in tech. 🙁

    I searched for that article but while doing so, I found this one, which gives me some hope.

    There are plenty of resources on Google if you’re looking for the academic side of exotic dancing.

    I’m not a women’s studies major. I don’t feel defensive. I’m a very part-time exotic dancer, what you might call a “stripper”. Many pretty girls in Portland currently are or have been in the past. Trust me, the pretty gal waiting at the bus stop with a backpack might not always be going to Reed College.

    Yet some of the smartest and most compassionate people I’ve ever known have taken up space in a strip club. Supposedly there are 55 strip clubs in Portland. This city is unlike any other in so many ways.

    I know of the strip club industry from my own experience + I don’t sugar coat anything. My voice is needed.

    The first time I was a dancer was in Seattle in the late 2000s, after I’d escaped from L.A. a little shellshocked.

    I’m older and more sarcastic than most.

    Although technically I’m a WOC (woman of color), my passable and perceived whiteness affords me privilege that other women do not have + it’s especially magnified in the exotic dancer industry. 

    Don’t even get me started on body weight + the struggles of being “too” or “not enough”. For the record, I’ve gained 15 lbs. since moving here again. I can imagine certain people in L.A. telling me that I’ve let myself go.

    Perhaps I’m also the soberest, so that brings an interesting nuance to my interactions at bars.

    I don’t *need* to drink to do anything in my life at this point. Addiction is very real for many people in Portland, not just dancers + patrons of this industry.

    What I’ve never understood is that cocaine hasn’t gone out of style. Now it’s super duper dangerous as I’ve been told it’s being cut with fentanyl. Wtf, people.

    One epiphany I recently had about being a stripper is that it’s not only the perfect schedule if you need flexibility.

    It’s also perfect if you’re struggling with any mental health issues.

    As a card-carrying member of the ADHD club, I know all too well what it’s like to be frustrated when I can’t manage my attention + occasional insomnia. Sometimes I feel I’m passible as a “normal” person when I need to be.

    Sometimes that leads to minor episodes of depression + moderate bouts of anxiety about my future.

    After all this time, I realize that I like challenging people’s antiquated beliefs about the whys of exotic dancing, but I’m not defensive about why I do it.

    It keeps me in better shape, physically and certainly with my sarcasm. I’m very grateful that I haven’t had to deal with serious amounts of unsavoriness, although I do have several halls of fame stories that I’ll maybe share here someday.

    This is a job I can leave once I cross the doorway out of the club to the real world, whatever that means to you.

    There are no phone calls at 3 am when your latest production build goes awry. What nagging performance reviews? Do as I do, show up ready to work and on time + keep your chin up. Your self-esteem + your future depend on it.

    Refrain from talking about others unless they’re sitting next to you. I’ve luckily avoided the persistent drama that way.

    On the flipside, there’s no 401k, no workman’s comp + you have to pay to work at strip clubs. Real talk. The current club(s) where I’m working is the least exploitative in my opinion.

    I’ve listened to horror stories of house fees and room rental fees (for private dances) at some other clubs. Sending a dancer home with less than $75 is despicable. Working a “prime shift” on a Friday night. One that involves at least 6+ hours of wear and tear on your body + soul. Again, WTF people.

    In a parallel universe, I could be some fellow dancers’ mom.

    My major pet peeve is that I could be rich if I had a dollar for every time I heard, “wow, you look great for ___.” For what, a human? A woman? A woman of a certain age, you mean?

    I’m reluctant to tell people my actual age because ageism is all too real.

    Now picture ageism in a strip club + then that shit goes into hyperdrive. Lately, I’ve been telling people because fuck it. Many times they don’t believe me and think I’m messing with them.

    Most of the time it works for me when I meet older guys that are creeped out by dancers that are 24 + under. I’m not the best hustle queen + I don’t feel the need to compete with younger gals with their pole tricks. The shoes are hard enough!